Recently, I have been through a time that put me into a confused state of mind which was neither letting me to move forward nor allowing me to be at peace with the present moment.
Great teachers have always taught that you don’t need to fix anything outside of you to live a happy life,all that’s essential is to be in harmony with your own existence.
That’s really difficult to understand because when nobody understands you,all your efforts are just making the situation worse and your mind is in a chaotic state such philosophies appears to be total bullshit.
The dominating emotions of an individual facing such circumstances are guilt, anger and resentment.If prolonged,these feelings can result into self sabotage.
The Victim Mode of Ego
It is very imperative to discern that our ego likes to play a victim and if you are not aware enough to detect this at the right time then you will be pulled into an insurmountable vicious cycle of negativity.
The victim mode of the ego is when you are continuously troubled by the negative self talks like-“why me?”,”what wrong have I done?”,”Nobody understands me”,etc .
What usually happens in such cases is that the individual gets involved in various types of addictions(it could be anything) because in that way he finds a temporary relief from the pesky noises inside his head but, that’s more destructive than the problem itself.
Finding addictions to avoid distress is like taking pain killers without treating a deep wound.
Why Some Relationships Causes Misery?
Relationships, no matter how much long or short they have been it does only one thing to us – It gives us an identification based on the other person’s opinions.
When someone gives us their positive attention, we start to feel so good because our existence is admired by someone.
Unconsciously, we make many bonds with the other person which makes us dependent on their point of view,this is what makes recovering from toxic relationships difficult.
Miseries that are caused by the relationships that we have after reaching a certain age is often less intense than the ones that are related to our childhood, this is the reason why we are so attached to our parents and on a subconscious level we continuously seek their approval for what we do in our lives even though we pretend that “I live by my own rules”.
Few Things That Seems Promising but Does Not Actually Help
You can listen to music,go on tours and do a lot of stuff in order to temporarily take your mind off the problem, but one thing that is to be remembered is “No matter where you go or what you do, you take your memories there too!”
Our memories are not something that could be erased or deleted.
In such mental states we all are doomed to think that there is something we need to change about the other person’s thinking.
We get too dominated by the idea of having a talk with the other person so that we could make them to see things from our viewpoint.
That is actually the worst idea because of two very obvious reasons:-
1-You cannot influence anybody’s opinion without their consent and in such cases this would be least possible thing that they would agree upon.
2-When a relationship is filled with negative emotions like anger,jealousy, frustration , etc then you are just going to create more trouble by taking such decisions .
There Is Only One Good Way and It’s a Little Difficult
Getting out of a toxic relationship is not about running away from the situation or trying to change the other person’s mind to make things better,it is about removing what is “toxic” about the whole thing from your own mind.
It doesn’t matter what decision you or the other person makes,if you will leave the whole scenario with negative impressions inside your mind, it will come back to you in a different form later on.
What is to be done then?
You will have to feel good about the current situation first no matter what happens outside you, you should accept that whatever is happening is happening for a good reason which might become obvious in the hindsight.
Trust me, what makes us to suffer so badly at any point of our lives becomes insignificant in the future.(only if we are not in denial)
It is very essential to accept “what is” without trying to change anything outside. We are humans, it is okay to have negative emotions sometimes, but if you will try to manipulate what is happening outside or if you will deny the reality so that you can appear strong in front of others then you will only deepen the bad effects such situations will have on you.
First and foremost what you should do is to “feel the pain” and accept that you are hurt. If you want to cry then do that, do whatever is necessary for your emotional health without involving the other person.
Next, find a friend with whom you can share your feelings.(someone who will not judge you)
After that just keep your mind open and let the best healer work, yes it is “time”.. time will show you the right path so, don’t reach conclusions, just be in peace with what IS.
What about the Scars?
If you have suppressed your emotions in the past then your memories will haunt you till you make peace with it.
With a very honest introspection you will have to find out whatever it is that you are blaming for your agony.
This is difficult but, you will have to forgive everything that you hold responsible for your emotional troubles otherwise same life patterns will keep on repeating; only new people will replace the old ones to remind you that you have inner issues to be solved.
This is where spiritual practices are helpful, sometimes we are not at all aware on the conscious level of what we have been carrying deep inside our heart.
Meditation will help you to release all such negativity that you have been carrying in your energy from a long time.You will find a lot of related posts here for doing that.
One of the major reasons why I recommend people to opt for my two most favorite personal development programs is because it keeps on clearing all the energy sucking bonds we ever created.
Unlimited Abundance Course by Christie Marie Sheldon has been very helpful for me to release various such negative energy patterns layer by layer so,I highly suggest it to my readers.Even if you don’t believe in stuff like energy clearing, trying it under the refund period will let you know if it works for you like it did for me or not.
Another process that has been of great help for me is the cutting cords meditation in Christie’s love or above program. As I mentioned earlier, we form emotional bonds with people on a subconscious level and it is wise to keep clearing those bonds using such tools before it gets too late.
One thing to be kept in mind while doing such meditations/practices is that we are not removing people or memories from our consciousness(it’s impossible) by doing such processes, we are just pulling out what’s negative from those events.
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