Healing the Emotional Pain Caused by Toxic Relationships and Memories That Destroys One’s Serenity

Recently, I have been through a time that put me into a confused state of mind which was neither letting me to move forward nor allowing me to be at peace with the present moment.

Great teachers have always taught that you don’t need to fix anything outside of you to live a happy life,all that’s essential is to be in harmony with your own existence.

That’s really difficult to understand  because when nobody understands you,all your efforts are just making the situation worse and your mind is in a chaotic state such philosophies appears to be total bullshit.

The dominating emotions of an individual facing such circumstances are guilt, anger and resentment.If prolonged,these feelings can result into self sabotage.

The Victim Mode of Ego

It is very imperative to discern that our ego likes to play a victim and if you are not aware enough to detect this at the right time then you will be pulled into an insurmountable vicious cycle of negativity.

The victim mode of the ego is when you are continuously troubled by the negative self talks like-“why me?”,”what wrong have I done?”,”Nobody understands me”,etc .

What usually happens in such cases is that the individual gets involved in various types of addictions(it could be anything) because in that way he finds a temporary relief from the pesky noises inside his head but, that’s more destructive than the problem itself.

Finding addictions to avoid distress is like taking pain killers without treating a deep wound.

Why Some Relationships Causes Misery?

Relationships, no matter how much long or short they have been it does only one thing to us – It gives us an identification based on the other person’s opinions.

When someone gives us their positive attention, we start to feel so good because our existence is admired by someone.

Unconsciously, we make many bonds with the other person which makes us dependent on their point of view,this is what makes recovering from toxic relationships difficult.

Miseries that are caused by the relationships that we have after reaching a certain age is often less intense than the ones that are related to our childhood, this is the reason why we are so attached to our parents and on a subconscious level we continuously seek their approval for what we do in our lives even though we pretend that “I live by my own rules”.

Few Things That Seems Promising but Does Not Actually Help

You can listen to music,go on tours and do a lot of stuff in order to temporarily take your mind off the problem, but one thing that is to be remembered is “No matter where you go or what you do, you take your memories  there too!”

Our memories are not something that could be erased or deleted.

In such mental states we all are doomed to think that there is something we need to change about the other person’s thinking.

We get too dominated by the idea of having a talk with the other person so that we could make them to see things from our viewpoint.

That is actually the worst idea because of two very obvious reasons:-

1-You cannot influence anybody’s opinion without their consent and in such cases this would be least possible thing that they would agree upon.

2-When a relationship is filled with negative emotions like anger,jealousy, frustration , etc then you are just going to create more trouble by taking such decisions .

There Is Only One Good Way and It’s a Little Difficult

Getting out of a toxic relationship is not about running away from the situation or trying to change the other person’s mind to make things better,it is about removing what is “toxic” about the whole thing from your own mind.

It doesn’t matter what decision you or the other person makes,if you will leave the whole scenario with negative impressions inside your mind, it will come back to you in a different form later on.

What is to be done then?

You will have to feel good about the current situation first no matter what happens outside you, you should accept that whatever is happening is happening for a good reason which might become obvious in the hindsight.

Trust me, what makes us to suffer so badly at any point of our lives becomes insignificant in the future.(only if we are not in denial)

It is very essential to accept “what is” without trying to change anything outside. We are humans, it is okay to have negative emotions sometimes, but if you will try to manipulate what is happening outside or if you will deny the reality so that you can appear strong in front of others then you will only deepen the bad effects such situations will have on you.

First and foremost what you should do is to “feel the pain” and accept that you are hurt. If you want to cry then do that, do whatever is necessary for your emotional health without involving the other person.

Next, find a friend with whom you can share your feelings.(someone who will not judge you)

After that just keep your mind open and let the best healer work, yes it is “time”.. time will show you the right path so, don’t reach conclusions, just be in peace with what IS.

What about the Scars?

If you have suppressed your emotions in the past then your memories will haunt you till you make peace with it.

With a very honest introspection you will have to find out whatever it is that you are blaming for your agony.

This is difficult but, you will have to forgive everything that you hold responsible for your emotional troubles otherwise same life patterns will keep on repeating; only new people will replace the old ones to remind you that you have inner issues to be solved.

This is where spiritual practices are helpful, sometimes we are not at all aware on the conscious level of what we have been carrying deep inside our heart.

Meditation will help you to release all such negativity that you have been carrying in your energy from a long time.You will find a lot of related posts here for doing that.

One of the major reasons why I recommend people to opt for my two most favorite personal development programs is because it keeps on clearing all the energy sucking bonds we ever created.

Unlimited Abundance Course by Christie Marie Sheldon has been very helpful for me to release various such negative energy patterns layer by layer so,I highly suggest it to my readers.Even if you don’t believe in stuff like energy clearing, trying it under the refund period will let you know if it works for you like it did for me or not.

Another process that has been of great help for me is the cutting cords meditation in Christie’s love or above program. As I mentioned earlier, we form emotional bonds with people on a subconscious level and it is wise to keep clearing those bonds using such tools before it gets too late.

One thing to be kept in mind while doing such meditations/practices is that we are not removing people or memories from our consciousness(it’s impossible) by doing such processes, we are just pulling out what’s negative from those events.


I hope you liked reading this article, I am so eager to hear from you so, please do write your comments below, I will be glad to receive any suggestions or opinions from you. (Your email id will be safe and hidden, you can even prefer your secondary email id for commenting)

If this was helpful to you then please spread the word by sharing it on your online social networks.

You can also mail me at- hari@zerotoinfinitude.com

You May Also Like to Read:-
10 Ways to Deal with Negative People and Situations-Fun Exercises to Stay Positive
Spiritual Healing of Broken Heart-Heal Yourself from the Emotional Pain
Regain Your Peace of Mind-Mindfulness Exercises for Anxiety
Creative Visualization and Meditation Can Change Your Life-Get Rid of Your Past Burdens
Increasing Your Happiness Level-Spiritual Help for Depression

14 thoughts on “Healing the Emotional Pain Caused by Toxic Relationships and Memories That Destroys One’s Serenity


    Thank you for beautiful articles. So helpful.
    we get so needy when we are single ..looking for help to fill us.
    please put me on your mailing list. .
    thank you.

    1. HARI S NAIR Post author

      Hi Lora,
      So happy to know that my posts were helpful to you. I had to discontinue my email service recently due to few issues. I have noted down your email address ,will notify you as soon as I start it back again.

  2. Hristo

    Very interesting article. I agree with everything you mentioned and am just gonna add, that trough my experience with relationships I learned to control my emotions, so that the next time i meet someone and have feelings for him I do not have any regrets. Maintaining a relationship can be pretty hard, that is why I think people who already have one, should give a read to this article and carefully think about it!

    1. HARI S NAIR Post author

      True Hristo, we are responsible for the extent to which we make ourselves dependent on others and this is well realized with experiences.Thanks for your comment 🙂

  3. PJ

    A wonderful article about dealing with toxic relationships. In the past I have said to myself, I’ll never make that mistake again, and yet we all seem to make the same mistakes again and again.

    So what causes a relationship to go toxic? If one or the other does not recognize the beauty and value of the partnership, then there will be trouble. So, once we know that a relationship has become toxic, we have to prepare to move on. It can rarely be fixed.

    But in moving on, we have to feel our own self worth and not accept the role of victim. Whitney Houston was the most beautiful and talented singer who had the world in her hand, but she got into a toxic relationship and accepted the role of a victim. She lost her life as a result. A complete tragedy.

    To avoid tragedy in our own lives we must recognize our own self worth even if others do not. We need to live life with high self esteem to avoid falling into the victim role, which always comes with low self esteem.

    1. HARI S NAIR Post author

      That’s really a very thoughtful and awesome advice PJ, The example you have given above is indeed a very appropriate one which holds the truth of the “victim mode” discussion I have made in this post. Even though the whole world may love us, we can still become too dependent on the approval of a particular person..it can happen to anybody!

      As you mentioned we keep on making the same mistakes again and again because we are actually avoiding the inner work that is essential, Thank you so for sharing your views 🙂

  4. Wendy

    Such important information for those that are suffering. You must be happy from within — or nothing in your life or environment will ever make you happy. It’s important that people suffering know that others have been through the same things and made it through.

    1. HARI S NAIR Post author

      Absolutely, the thought that we will become happy when this or that happens is an illusory mind trap. One will have to find his inner peace and that’s the real quality of wise ones..thank you for your beautiful comment Wendy 🙂

  5. Brenda

    Hello Hari,
    Nice article you have written . It’s so true that we become dependent on others for that feel good syndrome . But a toxin relationship can and does more damage than the beholder sees at that time .
    Please continue to spread the word on this . Nice work done .

    1. HARI S NAIR Post author

      It is true that the negativity in the relationship does much deeper damage then what we can discern on a conscious level,Thanks for appreciating my work Brenda I really hope that it will become useful for many people who unconsciously take self sabotaging actions in such times.

  6. Swati

    I came across your site today when i was searching for infinite intelligence and am very happy that you are doing such a good work spreading awareness through spirituality. I read few of your article and they are so well written. Can see the efforts and intentions you are putting.
    keep up the good work would love to listen your thoughts more.


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