Is someone in your life creating trouble for you by being too much controlling? If yes, then this post will help you to learn how to deal with controlling people.
The ways I am going to share with you here is something I believe everyone must be aware of because we all have to face people with controlling attitude in our lives.
Some people enjoy playing power games and dramas to manipulate the mind of others, they can also get aggressive or abusive to make others do what they want.
In most such cases those who fall into such people’s trap are actually allowing themselves to be controlled by others due to some kind of dependency or one’s own deeper emotional issues.
It is possible that someone might be having a psychological cause due to which he/she unconsciously harbors a need to be controlled by others and in that case it would be wise to seek a professional help.
However, if you are emotionally alright then by developing the 6 fundamental personality traits I am going to discuss below you can easily protect yourself from toxic people.
#1 Avoid Reacting
Your reaction is the strength of people who want to manipulate you.
One of the main characteristics of those who love to play power games is their tricks that trigger strong emotional reactions from others.
When someone makes a mistake of doing/saying something wrong in sudden outburst of emotions then the guilt caused by such actions becomes a big advantage for people who like to control others.
So, one very important thing that you must keep in mind is to stop reacting.
To avoid reactions you just have to learn with practice to pause and think for a while before taking actions.
If you can keep in mind that “reaction” is what the other person wants from you then you can avoid it more easily.
#2 Stop Seeking Approval
In family, friendship, work, everywhere you will see people doing everything to get other people’s approval.
And yes nowadays-Facebook!
All of us have a need to know our worth and we try to derive it from the opinions of others about us, we do everything to get positive attention.
A small need of appreciation is normal but, if you seek continues approval of others then it is not only a sign of weak self-image but it also gives a good opportunity to those who wants to manipulate you.
We unconsciously and consciously do everything to get approval of some people in our lives especially the controlling ones who never find any good reason to admire us.
When you want to prove your worth to someone, like an addiction you keep on doing everything to impress them and this allows them to dominate over you.
If someone patronizes you then it is a clear signal that you should now take control of your life by giving yourself the “approval”. Convince yourself that their opinions don’t matter to you anymore, this shift in thought which requires your strong will power can change your life.
#3 Have the Guts to Say “NO”
One must learn to say “NO” to people and circumstances that pressurize him to make decisions that are against his will.
You know why it is hard to say NO? -It is because we all want to be seen as a good person somewhere deep inside our hearts and the idea of hurting others by not acting according to their wish makes us feel guilty as we are becoming “cruel” to them.
Well, let me tell you one profound truth- People’s opinions about you are based on their mindset and it really has nothing to do with your true nature.
Of course a positive personality will attract more good people in your life and others will love you if you are a cheerful person. But, when it comes to specific people in your life, their opinions about you totally depends on their way of thinking.
Sometimes, Even if you care for them, love them, treat them well etc, they will still find a reason to hate you.
If you will learn to refuse doing anything that is against your wish without caring about what others will think then you can always protect yourself from being controlled by others.
#4 Unwarranted Arguments
Toxic people love to drain energy of others by engaging them in emotional dramas.
They mostly do this by dragging you into an argument with them which keeps on heating up until it gets very messy.
Just like the first point we discussed, this is also a trick played by them to make you do something which gives them an advantage over you.
With a little awareness you will realize that these arguments are actually groundless and you have a choice to avoid them.
Whenever you catch yourself arguing with someone just say to yourself “I don’t have to prove myself right by validating my viewpoint because my views changes with experiences”, that thought destroys the very basic need of your argument and provides you an opportunity to end it.
Being lighthearted about life is truly a gift because there is actually nothing to be very serious about it, what you can change about a situation and what you cannot change about it has nothing to do with your seriousness related to it but we find a compulsive need to avoid cheerful thoughts during such times because we are conditioned that way.
The good news is- We can change the way we look at things.
A person who prefers laughter over humiliation, tragedy, emotional dramas, failures etc may appear as a loser to some people but, in reality he is the true winner..Why?- Because all the above situations is faced by everyone however, this person refuses to give up his power to people or circumstances.
These light-hearted people are the biggest challenge for the toxic ones because they find no way to win the battle with them and that’s why they never prefer to stay around such people.
One thing you must ensure is to avoid such people in the first place. There is no point in wasting your time and energy dealing with difficult people who don’t matter much in your life so, doing whatever it takes to get away from them is very essential.
Next, with those who are dear to you but try to control you, you can use the above steps to shield yourself from their tricks.
Finally, if you find no way to improve a relationship then taking a bold step to “escape” would be wise whether let it be to avoid them for a while or keep a distance from them until they change, because you alone cannot make things right so, sometimes you have to leave things as it is.
There is another category of people who are much more dangerous,they are called psychic vampires.Yeah that’s a catchy term but you must learn to safeguard yourself from this type of people first, to know about this in detail read my post:- How to Deal with Psychic Vampires
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